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Supply Is the Source That Mirrors Back To the Narcissist His Self Esteem
Narcissistic supply is what nourishes the narcissist. A narcissist is on a constant search for narcissistic supply and will take it from whatever source is at hand. Donít think you are special because the narcissist has picked you. He can indeed be perceptive when it comes to sensing someone who might be a willing target for him. He wants someone who is inferior to him. At the same time he wants someone who has a certain amount of intelligence (certainly not more than the narcissist though). He primarily wants someone who is gullible to the extent that the person will fall for his tall tales. Submissiveness and availability are other keys, which the narcissist seeks in his supply. Also, if the supply is female she must be reasonably attractive. And, most important he wants someone who is not demanding.
The narcissist has two sources of supply--Primary and Secondary Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist sees nothing special in either of these supplies. They are simply there to give him nourishment. His supply gives to him the means to nurture his self esteem and self worth via their feedback to him.
The narcissist's successes do not have to have actually happened. The web he spins which gives the illusion to others that his accomplishments are real is what is important to the narcissist. The feedback he gets from others about his achievements gives him narcissistic supply. This is what he is seeking. Remember that the narcissist is an accomplished liar and fantasizes constantly. As the narcissist weaves his tails to others and convinces them that he is something he is not, he also convinces himself of his importance.
The narcissist's primary sources of supply are derived from his projected notoriety and frame (either the thought that he is a celebrity or the actuality he is a celebrity), the illusion of mystery he weaves around himself, sex which he perceives as demonstrating his virility, the projection of his wealth (real or imagined), his closeness to power (money, knowledge, contacts), and anyone who is not meaningful or significant to the narcissist. Secondary sources of supply are wives, girlfriends, obvious wealth, results of his creativity, his disordered freedom, his prestige, his success, his business ventures, his property, companionship, security, his perceived status, and those in constant touch with the narcissist.
As humans we all want to have a reasonable amount of compliments bestowed upon us. The difference between the average person and the narcissist is that the narcissist does not leave the compliments alone at a reasonable amount. He demands more and more. He seeks more and more from any and every source around him. His life is directed toward finding more and more sources of narcissistic supply (attention/compliments /arguments). His sources of supply can be his family, business partners, associates, or total strangers. The narcissistís main objective in life is receiving human attention.
Soon he will devalue his supply, but that means nothing to him. As long as this supply is giving him positive or negative attention he considers the person to be narcissistic supply. If he can still in some way manipulate the person then they are narcissistic supply. Even arguing with someone is a source of narcissistic supply. If the narcissist is receiving attention then he is getting what he wants.
In the narcissistís confused thinking he does not see anyone as an enemy. He sees them as sources of narcissistic supply. The narcissist devotes so much of his time to thinking about himself that he becomes easily exhausted. Although constantly on the search for new sources of supply, if he canít find any available he will go back to old sources of supply. And, in actuality it is less exhausting for him to go back to these old sources than it is for him to continue searching unsuccessfully for new sources. So he rarely throws anyone completely away unless he can no longer get any type of response from them. Or, if he finds a better source of supply, he will leave you alone. But, if that source of supply plays out or becomes boring to the narcissist, he will then attempt to return to old sources of supply.
If the narcissist comes sneaking back to you, ignore him. If there is ever a way to get back at a narcissist, it is by showing him indifference. He canít stand it and heíll leave you alone. Donít react. Thatís what heís looking for is your response in either a positive or negative way.

Women as Sources of Narcissistic Supply

The narcissist must have a feeling of omnipotence and women are a threat to his thoughts of himself as omnipotent. But, women possess the necessary apparatus for sex and this is something for which the narcissist has a need. And, for the narcissist to even think that he has a need is repulsive to him.
First, of course, he must win a woman over to convince her to be with him. This is an annoyance for the narcissist because the woman is put in a place where she can decide to be with him or not. This in essence makes her a judge. If the woman rejects him this causes a narcissistic injury to his child-like ego. The narcissist looks at women as flaunting power that they have to inflict narcissistic injury on him as a nuisanceóa degrading ability that makes them in some way more dominant than himself. This thought gnaws away at the narcissist and, therefore, he must humiliate women for his own self-preservation.
Also, the narcissist is well aware that females have an exceptional ability in the realm of emotions. This makes him angry. In order for him to get the sex he desires then he must deal with their emotions. The narcissist fears that women with this exceptional emotional ability may expose him. He maybe seen as just what he isóa counterfeit human. This to the narcissist is another strike against women.
Therefore, to maintain control over women he must frustrate them. He must frustrate them to the extent that they lose their ability to control their emotions. They lose their power to inflict narcissistic injury upon him because they no longer can maintain their thought processes rationally. He proves to himself that he is omnipotent over them. If a woman hangs around long enough to put up with the narcissistís frustrating behavior, she will end up just like the narcissistóhollow, crazed, lonely, angry.






© 2014 copyright  Chandra Alexander, Relationship Life Coach and Counseling in Tampa, Florida.

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