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WHAT IS NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY? The Looking Glass
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Supply Is the Source That Mirrors Back To the Narcissist
His Self Esteem
Narcissistic supply is what nourishes the narcissist. A
narcissist is on a constant search for narcissistic
supply and will take it from whatever source is at hand.
Don’t think you are special because the narcissist has
picked you. He can indeed be perceptive when it comes to
sensing someone who might be a willing target for him.
He wants someone who is inferior to him. At the same
time he wants someone who has a certain amount of
intelligence (certainly not more than the narcissist
though). He primarily wants someone who is gullible to
the extent that the person will fall for his tall tales.
Submissiveness and availability are other keys, which
the narcissist seeks in his supply. Also, if the supply
is female she must be reasonably attractive. And, most
important he wants someone who is not demanding.
The narcissist has two sources of supply--Primary and
Secondary Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist sees
nothing special in either of these supplies. They are
simply there to give him nourishment. His supply gives
to him the means to nurture his self esteem and self
worth via their feedback to him.
The narcissist's successes do not have to have actually
happened. The web he spins which gives the illusion to
others that his accomplishments are real is what is
important to the narcissist. The feedback he gets from
others about his achievements gives him narcissistic
supply. This is what he is seeking. Remember that the
narcissist is an accomplished liar and fantasizes
constantly. As the narcissist weaves his tails to others
and convinces them that he is something he is not, he
also convinces himself of his importance.
The narcissist's primary sources of supply are derived
from his projected notoriety and frame (either the
thought that he is a celebrity or the actuality he is a
celebrity), the illusion of mystery he weaves around
himself, sex which he perceives as demonstrating his
virility, the projection of his wealth (real or
imagined), his closeness to power (money, knowledge,
contacts), and anyone who is not meaningful or
significant to the narcissist. Secondary sources of
supply are wives, girlfriends, obvious wealth, results
of his creativity, his disordered freedom, his prestige,
his success, his business ventures, his property,
companionship, security, his perceived status, and those
in constant touch with the narcissist.
As humans we all want to have a reasonable amount of
compliments bestowed upon us. The difference between the
average person and the narcissist is that the narcissist
does not leave the compliments alone at a reasonable
amount. He demands more and more. He seeks more and more
from any and every source around him. His life is
directed toward finding more and more sources of
narcissistic supply (attention/compliments /arguments).
His sources of supply can be his family, business
partners, associates, or total strangers. The
narcissist’s main objective in life is receiving human
attention.
Soon he will devalue his supply, but that means nothing
to him. As long as this supply is giving him positive or
negative attention he considers the person to be
narcissistic supply. If he can still in some way
manipulate the person then they are narcissistic supply.
Even arguing with someone is a source of narcissistic
supply. If the narcissist is receiving attention then he
is getting what he wants.
In the narcissist’s confused thinking he does not see
anyone as an enemy. He sees them as sources of
narcissistic supply. The narcissist devotes so much of
his time to thinking about himself that he becomes
easily exhausted. Although constantly on the search for
new sources of supply, if he can’t find any available he
will go back to old sources of supply. And, in actuality
it is less exhausting for him to go back to these old
sources than it is for him to continue searching
unsuccessfully for new sources. So he rarely throws
anyone completely away unless he can no longer get any
type of response from them. Or, if he finds a better
source of supply, he will leave you alone. But, if that
source of supply plays out or becomes boring to the
narcissist, he will then attempt to return to old
sources of supply.
If the narcissist comes sneaking back to you, ignore
him. If there is ever a way to get back at a narcissist,
it is by showing him indifference. He can’t stand it and
he’ll leave you alone. Don’t react. That’s what he’s
looking for is your response in either a positive or
negative way.
Women as Sources of Narcissistic Supply
The narcissist must have a feeling of omnipotence and
women are a threat to his thoughts of himself as
omnipotent. But, women possess the necessary apparatus
for sex and this is something for which the narcissist
has a need. And, for the narcissist to even think that
he has a need is repulsive to him.
First, of course, he must win a woman over to convince
her to be with him. This is an annoyance for the
narcissist because the woman is put in a place where she
can decide to be with him or not. This in essence makes
her a judge. If the woman rejects him this causes a
narcissistic injury to his child-like ego. The
narcissist looks at women as flaunting power that they
have to inflict narcissistic injury on him as a
nuisance—a degrading ability that makes them in some way
more dominant than himself. This thought gnaws away at
the narcissist and, therefore, he must humiliate women
for his own self-preservation.
Also, the narcissist is well aware that females have an
exceptional ability in the realm of emotions. This makes
him angry. In order for him to get the sex he desires
then he must deal with their emotions. The narcissist
fears that women with this exceptional emotional ability
may expose him. He maybe seen as just what he is—a
counterfeit human. This to the narcissist is another
strike against women.
Therefore, to maintain control over women he must
frustrate them. He must frustrate them to the extent
that they lose their ability to control their emotions.
They lose their power to inflict narcissistic injury
upon him because they no longer can maintain their
thought processes rationally. He proves to himself that
he is omnipotent over them. If a woman hangs around long
enough to put up with the narcissist’s frustrating
behavior, she will end up just like the
narcissist—hollow, crazed, lonely, angry.
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