SAD OR DEPRESSED - DO YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE?

Coachgirl.com 

How well do you understand the workings of the universe?  Do you live in the present moment? 

There is NO way to intellectually understand how the universe works; as a result, BEING is the only way to intimately connect to the source of understanding, to experience how the universe unfolds.  Now this may sound somewhat esoteric, but it is anything but.  Without being in sync with reality, with "what is", there will always be incongruence.  

Can you imagine telling someone what chocolate tastes like without having tasted it?  And even when you have tasted it - look how difficult it is to explain what it tastes like to someone who has not. Consciousness is like chocolate - only by truly tasting it can you know what it is.  Eating chocolate is a present moment experience; it forces you to stay squarely in the moment, because without that, you miss it.  

When you are in the past or the future you are in your head and one step away from the action.  The action of life - the joy of life - comes from the heart and is always in the present moment.  But being present is not for the weak at heart.  Being present requires great bravery, a willingness to FEEL your life rather than think about it.  

When you are willing to connect to your soft underbelly, that part of you that you keep hidden (from yourself as well as the rest of the world) - only then does being present have a chance.  Integrating the dark side as well as the light automatically makes your present and only by being totally and completely in the moment do you have an opportunity to "see" to the core to things.  

This "seeing" is NOT an intellectual exercise but a state of being.  It is unequivocal, not up for debate.  It acknowledges the failures as well as successes, the valleys as well as the peaks, the losses as well as the wins.  It recognizes life's wholeness - all of it - as perfection.  

The ability to "observe" your life, to know on a gut level that you are always in the right place at the right time, and to know that every “mistake" is a step towards greater awareness and authenticity is how consciousness evolves.  The more present you are, the more you are aligned with the workings of the universe and more connected you are to the SOURCE.  

Are you really depressed or are you just sad? If you’ve been told you’re depressed, don't be so quick to believe it.   Learn the difference between clinical depression and normal sadness. 

1. Life is a mixture of both happy and sad. This is normal and natural. 

• To accept life in its fullness is to understand that life is a mixture of both happy and sad. 

• Many professionals do not understand this and immediately diagnose sadness as depression. 

• When you immediately medicate yourself against sadness, you miss the opportunity to work through issues in an alive and healthy way. 

2. It is okay to be sad because sometimes things are sad. 

• We are okay with happy, but we have trouble with sad. 

• There are as many opportunities in a day to be sad as there are to be happy. 

• Happiness and sadness are equal sides of yin and yang.  You cannot have one without having the other. 

3. Depression results when you do not deal with your sadness. 

• We often think our sadness is depression, but it is not. We get depressed when we don’t deal with our sadness. 

• Sadness is part of every human life.  There is NOTHING wrong with you if you get sad. 

• When we lose something we get sad and when someone dies we get sad. 

4. Anti-depressants take away the pain (really the anxiety), but keep us numb. 

• You will always feel anxious BEFORE you feel your feeling. 

• Anxiety is the feeling that signals a feeling is coming up. (A feeling you are not used to feeling) 

• When you feel nothing (flat-lined from taking medication), that means the feeling has been stuffed back inside. 

5. You must “feel” to get healthy. 

• The only way to heal is to feel. 

• Embrace your sadness as part of life; a way you get to learn more about yourself. 

• Everything is attitude.  Our depth is created by our ability to deal with both happiness and sadness. 

We all buy into the platitude that passion diminishes over time but just because many people say the same thing doesn’t make it so.  If you feel your relationship is stagnant and has stopped growing, learn why “love grows if you’re not in a coma”.

1. If you stay awake, passion naturally grows over time.

·  Being awake means being alive and aliveness is the same as passion.  

·  Living in the present moment is the only way to feel passion.

·  A willingness to feel ALL of life is what allows us to live in the present moment.

2.  You cannot “love” unless you like the other person.

·   How many times have you heard someone say, “I don’t like him, but I love him?”  What does that mean?  It makes no sense to me. 

·  How can you love someone you don’t like? 

·  Loving is respect, it is liking the other person, admiring his character.  If you don’t like your partner, you cannot love him!!

3. You cannot spoil someone with too much loving.

·  Why hold back from someone you love?  It is not often we want to give endlessly.  

4. Letting someone “see” who you are, opens hearts to loving.

·  Nothing is sexier than vulnerability and nothing is greater than being "seen".

Most of us believe the saying, “When you close one door, open another” and that’s what most of us do.  But what if you were to learn that opening another door too quickly may not be in your best interest and may actually work against you.  Tune in Wed. for a “Reality Check” with Life Coach and Author Chandra Alexander and learn what to do when one door closes and another one is not yet open.  

1. The space between two doors is where we create.  Don’t panic.  We all feel out of control when we don’t know what’s in store for us. This is potent space where all the magic happens.

2. Do not say, “Anything is better than nothing” and make a decision out of fear. Anything is not better than nothing.  Out of nothing comes something worthwhile if you are not impatient.

3. Put in the right ingredients.  If the ingredients are good, the outcome will be good. 

4. Sit quietly.  Good choices come out of a quiet mind and when you can hear your own voice. Stop listening to other people.

5. Be open to possibilities you have not even considered.

Watch Video

Do you know the number #1 problem in marriage and the number #1 problem of divorce? If you said "money" you'd be right. If you're constantly arguing about money - how it's spent, how much is spent and who's spending it - learn why in all good marriages there are mutually defined financial guidelines.

1 Discuss financial issues and set boundaries. Be accountable.

∙ Both partners need to know and be accountable for what they have and what

is being spent.

∙ If one partner controls the money, the balance of power in the relationship will

always be a skewed.

∙ The proper time for this discussion is at the beginning of a relationship when

funds are being co-mingled.

2 Asking for money is demeaning. Everyone needs to have his/her own 

money,regardless of the amount.

∙ Set up the relationship so both 

partners have access to their own money even though funds are 

co-mingled.

∙ It is very demeaning for one partner to ask another for money 

all the time.

This does not mean that big financial decisions are not discussed and jointly

decided, but rather, within an agreed upon budget,

each person can have access to money and make financial decisions on 

their own.

3 Don't spend more money than you can afford - it depletes your 

energy.

∙ Money is green energy. If you spend more than you have, you will 

deplete your energy and spend your time worrying how to borrow from Peter to pay

Paul.

∙ Except for sex, money ranks right up there with arguments and 

frustration.

∙ It is important for both partners to know how much you have, how much you

can spend, and how much you want to save, and to follow an agreed upon plan.

4 Be honest - Don't hide your purchases or lie about how much you have 

spent.

∙ Nothing is worse than lying about purchases - it always catches up. Speak up and be accountable.

∙ Now is the time to be PART of the plan and take financial responsibility.

∙ If need be, ask your partner to sit down and explain the finances to you.

∙ How much do you owe on your house? Your car? How much debt do you

have? What pieces of property do you own? Do you have a 401K? Is there a

pension fund? How much will you be getting from social security?

5 Be open - Share all financial information with your partner.

∙ If your partner is not willing to share with you all your financial information, it is your responsibility to get it. My suggestion is that you do.

Relationships are difficult, even under the best of circumstances.  All the obvious categories can line up - good chemistry, compatibility, and good communication - and still it is not easy.   Day to day living in a relationship requires an ability to stay present, be resilient, and be open.  If you do not have a strong sense of Self, an inner confidence in who you are and what you have to offer, you will always sabotage the relationship.  

A healthy ego is different than a fragile ego.  A healthy ego is self-referring; it does not need another person to say or do anything in order to feel good.  On the other hand, a fragile ego depends on others.  Because the initial strength is not there, one becomes wounded easily, projecting that uneasiness to another; "If only she would have said it differently," or "If only she would agree to do the things I want to do," he tells himself over and over, never taking responsibility for hearing it the way he has heard it or the life he has created. 

If you have an unhealthy, fragile ego you will often feel victimized and feel the relationship is "not equal".  An unhealthy ego will change but only to gain points in the relationship, chips to barter.  You will say things like, "I've accommodated you more than you have accommodated me."  Using accommodation in this way is the opposite of love and score-keeping at its worst.  Why "accommodate" if you are going to keep score?"  To me, if what you do is not what you really want to do and is just a ploy to have a relationship, it will not be a relationship worth much.  

When you have a healthy ego (sense of Self), you do what you do unconditionally.  If YOU decide you want to change based on something your partner said, YOU do it for YOU and take full responsibility for the change.  You do it because you know your life is better because of it.  And the love gets deeper.  You never bring it up as a bargaining chip because it is something you want to do anyway; and you are grateful for the change.  And if it is something you don't want to do - don't do it!  No one wants to hear either directly or in sub-text - "I did something I didn't want to do for you so you need to do something you don't want to do for me."

Be careful and vigilant if when you are taking with your partner the subject is abruptly changed and you are told you need to say it "differently".  It is hard to catch this subtle switch and the next minute you find you are defending your position rather than talking about what you were talking about.  Do not agree to a "walking on eggs" relationship and don't feel pressured and become something less in order to stay in the relationship.  Fragile egos are tricky and if you are not intimately connected to your core and your peacefulness it is easy to get sucked into an unloving, draining, score-keeping relationship.